Summer of 2008, I sat next to my cousin as she fast-forwarded through DVR’d episodes of Steven’s Untitled Rock Show. Every so often I’d catch clips of band interviews and screaming fans advertising the Vans Warped Tour. With each ad, I became more and more fixated on the people that performed my favorite songs. I swear I watched every shitty phone recording of “Dear Maria, Count Me In” posted on Youtube that summer. After my family invested in our own DVR, I recorded every Warped Wednesday special, which was basically an afternoon full of Warped-related content featured on Fuse.

By the time the 2009 Warped Tour lineup was announced, I had decided that I needed to experience the tour on my own — I mean, come on, A Rocket To The Moon, NeverShoutNever, Brokencyde, There For Tomorrow, and Escape the Fate all on the same day?!?

I glued myself to my family’s desktop computer, then located in the kitchen, in order to watch Warped Tour Pit Blogs and read countless postings on Warped forum pages. For several hours every day, I obsessed over the idea of standing in line meeting all of my favorite band members and jumping from stage to stage. After months of begging my parents to let me go, I was gifted with an early birthday present of two tickets to the Chicago date of the Vans Warped Tour.

Crystal, Me, and BrokeNCYDE at Chicago Warped Tour 2009.

I still remember exactly how I felt when I stepped into the first crowd of the day. I was convinced that all of my years of concert-going prior to this day (shoutout to my very loving and patient father for taking me) had equipped me to withstand any and every crowd Chicago would present me with. Wanting to prove my tenacity, I put a couple feet of space between my dad and me. When the first notes of Escape the Fate’s “The Flood” rang out and everyone started pushing toward the stage, I quickly learned that my 90-pound frame wasn’t as invincible as I would have liked to believe. I panicked as the breath was squeezed out of me and strangers’ bodies carried me further from my dad. I cried out, and Dad had to push people out of the way and pull me out so that I could breathe again. For the rest of the day, I made sure not to stray too far.

After that first year, Warped Tour became an annual tradition that I planned my entire summer around. The Blink-182 lyric, “I couldn't wait for the summer and the Warped Tour” quite literally described my life. I spent the months before talking about who I was excited to see and what I was going to wear, and the months following I recounted all of the crazy stories I had accumulated that year.

When my dad decided I was old enough to drive myself, and he was too old to follow me around all day, I’d drive a group of friends to multiple dates. To this day, I’ve been to Warped Tour in Chicago, St. Louis, Kansas City, Indianapolis, and Orlando.

Over the last 9 years, I’ve met so many people and have made so many crazy memories at Warped Tour. While I won’t list any of them here (I’m afraid the majority of you would stop reading by then), I’m sure I could spend days telling Warped stories.

More importantly, Warped Tour is the place I learned to let go. Being the anxiety-riddled teenager I was, getting out of my head and stepping out of my comfort zone was a huge feat. For an entire day, I stopped worrying about what other people thought of me and let the music consume me. I danced when I wanted to dance, and screamed the lyrics to every song I knew. In this protected space, I was able to learn how euphoria feels. These days each summer were the only time I really got to express myself without judgement, and I learned how to carry this kind of confidence at all times as I grew older.

Each year, I’d finish the day with a stronger sense of what drives my happiness, to the point where I’d come back and be disappointed by my real life. I’m convinced (without ever reading any evidence) that there has to be some sort of scientific phenomenon that explains the way continuous adrenaline throughout an entire day can push someone into a depressive state when they finally come back down. Nothing in the day-to-day compared to the taste of bliss, and for a day or two afterward I grieved the loss of the day I would never be able to relive.

With this being the final cross-country run, there has been a heaviness I’ve carried in my chest since we drove away. The post-Warped depression has lasted a little longer than usual. I arrived back from my trip to attend the Orlando date eleven days ago, and I’m just now starting to feel motivated again.

I believe that Warped Tour will continue exist in some form, but there never be another festival that exhibits the same magic of the Warped Tour featuring 60+ bands that travels across the entire United States in three months.

Warped Tour will forever be the real-life embodiment of my happy place, and I will cherish every year I got to experience.

Click here to view the full gallery of photos I took on the final run of the Vans Warped Tour.

Forever Warped

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Selective Vulnerability